HOW TO LOVE BEING WITH YOURSELF JUST AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE BEING WITH OTHERS
BY: HEATHER HOOKE
One thing about being a modern independent woman… Ya gotta love every second of being with your significant other and the social interactions in your life and then have just as much fun doing those things on your own too! If not, you may be following a path that leads to dissatisfaction and unfulfillment in your life. So many girls and women I’ve spoke to or interviewed have admitted to me that they rely on their social interactions (friends, family, significant others) to feel validated, confident and in the moment… Think about the best memories in your life when you felt most alive. Of course, we want to have those memories include the people we love most in this world, but ask yourself if they are just as balanced with time you’ve spent alone, being creative and relying on nothing but yourself. Would you say it’s 50/50, 75/25 or pretty much non existent? You’re not wrong if it’s non-existant; in fact for many women (& men too in now a days’ “social media” driven world) this is extremely common. But the problem with this constant social stimulus is that we are so busy being “social” catching up – or worse – envying others’ lives that we forget to be still, be silent, be creative and express ourselves in a real and authentic way! Sure we can claim, “Oh, but when I post on social media I am expressing myself!” If you are truly doing this showing all the different layers of who you are vs. obsessing over how your latest post will make you look to your friends, then that’s awesome! But unfortunately, many of us only show the good and none of the raw or real emotion or thoughts. To quote Coldplay, “Am I a part of the cure or am I part of the disease?” Long term, repetition of this scary cycle can lead to low self esteem from a lack of knowing one’s self, which could create havoc in your life later, on everything from the friends we choose to the career path we take to our significant other (and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high these days, shesh)! When you don’t know yourself, how are you expected to make educated choices on these type of life altering decisions? All in all, by not taking the time to get to know YOURSELF and the person you truly are inside, along with your deepest desires (which lead to personal and spiritual fulfillment) you could wake up one day feeling completely “alone” and off track, despite being surrounded by people.
Let’s prevent that. I say take the time to get to know yourself as early as possible to the point where you actually enjoy your own company, thoughts, emotions and ideas! Then keep doing this, to the point where you don’t just have an idea or inkling of your hobbies and passion, but that you are practicing them everyday and following your personal blueprint to your life’s calling and ultimate fulfillment by not looking outward, but reflecting from within. If you already do this, woah baby you’re a rare one in today’s world and more power to you!!! You are on the right track trubeauty and we need you to utilize your art and personal calling to influence the world too (so message me to collaborate and see what positive impact we can create together)!???✨ If you’re honest with yourself and you don’t enjoy being alone with your own thoughts, feel “bored”, lost, or notice negative self talk… don’t stress because you are not alone. However, it’s time to get your butt in gear and on your fast track to fulfillment by taking action STAT!
While there are MANY things I will share on my BLOG and social media platforms over time to guide you there step by step, my advice is to start small; make it a new goal to treat yourself to at least one “Me Time” outing alone or at home to explore within per week with no distractions to get to know yourself (NOT something on your To-Do list Type A personalities like myself ?). To be most effective, aim to do something spontaneous and unplanned. Whether it’s a breif 20 minute coffee date to people watch at Starbucks (Umm one of my fav “Me Time” dates ?☕️?✨), grabbing lunch NOT to go but actually sitting alone at a restaurant being alone with your own thoughts, or going all out to a that movie you secretly really want to see that no one else seemed all that into… These baby steps will teach you so much about your yourself, your passions and your personal style without the influence of anyone else’s opinion! Over time and with consistancy, I have learned that this is one of the fastest ways and most crucial to building inner strength, realizing your self worth and building self confidence which will effect all areas of your life in a positive way!
While I’ve always had a “yogi spirit” and certain awareness from a very young age with memories of getting lost in my creative outlets like my writing which was always encouraged by my parents, a few experiences in my own life stand out to where I learned these life lessons through transcendentalism and ultimately built a strong sense of knowing who I am and what I want out of my life! One was my Europe travels in college when I was 19 years old; the second was traveling to San Francisco and Boston when I worked for Bare Escentuals cosmetics and was able to take a few extra vacation days to explore the cities alone; last (and probably the most important for building my self reliance) was after my very difficult breakup with my ex boyfriend in college. While all allowed me the time to explore doing things like sitting alone in restaurants people watching, be spontaneous, realize my love of writing and photography, etc. The breakup was the most challenging – & most effective – because I didn’t have the distraction of a brand new city and all the romance and glamour that comes with it. Instead, I was forced to not seek fulfillment or distraction from outward sources but the opposite… to go inward. This is when I delved deep into, you guessed it, my passion for yoga, for nutrition, for shopping not in a materialistic way but incredibly creative way of learning to express myself and my personal style, regardless of what anyone thought of it! I was on a mission. This is when I cut off 10 inches of my hair and donated it to “Locks Of Love”, started making “Bucket Lists”, and vision boards… discovering step by step who I am and what I want to create in my life! And guess what? It worked! And I realized my calling was to assist other women (and really people for that matter) to do the same by realizing the power they have within to not be a victim when times are tough, but to manifest the life of their dreams!
By taking the time to get to know myself and make positive, concious healthy choices (even though it would have been much easier to take the more common heartbreak path of partying and doing things I knew I would ultimately regret) I chose to “woman up” and just deal! To face myself, my fears, and my emotions of raw vulnerability – and I grew 10 fold! I quit jobs that no longer fulfilled me and began endeavors with half the pay, became very choosy about the friends and energies I allowed in my life regardless of judgement, and I began to thrive the more I faced my fears and became recognized by the right people because I was living it up and loving the person I was becoming! I began living in alignment with the person I always wanted to be… I was getting back on my path to personal fulfillment and keeping my standards high without guilt or apology. In the middle of all this creative energy and living in the moment, when I spontaneously (there’s that word again… Take note it will come up a lot as one of the keys to success I’ve discovered in life) chose to not do something a bunch of my friends and ex were doing for New Years, which I secretly really didn’t want to do. Instead I accepted an invite to something that sounded more my style although it was with people that were more acquaintances than good friends, which was a little scary verses sticking to what was comfortable. Staying true to me and independent, I chose to be DD and not drink just in case it was not my scene. Well guess what, it ended up being one of the best night’s of my life and the night I met the love of my life and now husband, Collin!!! Do you see, by being completely YOU and relishing in the glory of learning who you are and what you want out of life THAT’S when you discover your “tru” path, meet your significant other, dream career… All the things we ALL want! But ya gotta be willing to put in the hard work and get to know yourself in order to create the life of your dreams! You have to know where you’re headed.
I want today’s post to inspire you to see the value of being spontaneous and to do something special just for yourself today! As for me, as I’m writing this very post I’m treating myself to a late afternoon pastry shop outing, looking up at the gorgeous palm trees swaying in the tropical breeze in my dream city and feeling pretty awesome today! I hope you are too, whereever you are celebrating YOU!
Namaste-BEYOUtiful,
Xo! Heath
#beMENTAL #beSOCIAL #beSPIRITUAL #beEMOTIONAL #beYOU #trubeautyMOVEME